The Love Bubble

Sinking into you like a spell so quick. 

The Love Bubble aka The Honeymoon Phase aka when you’re lost all up in his sauce.

Have you ever been lost in the love bubble before? It’s that moment in time where it feels like you’re living in a Disney fairy-tale. He could do no wrong. You are head over heels. The world is non existent as long as you have each other. When it literally, physically hurts to be apart. Yea, remember that feeling?

The love bubble is a fantastic place to be…for a while. See it is a place you visit, hang out for some time, buy a souvenir perhaps, but please don’t move in and set up shop in love bubble country. Do you know anyone who’s ever gotten stuck there? Have you ever been blinded by the promises of forever that you were stuck there yourself?

What happens on love bubble island is that we expect the feelings to stay forever, and sometimes they do! Now for the rest of the 99% of us, at some point you realize that you are both flawed human beings. He says something that doesn’t agree with your morals. Maybe his response to something you do makes you view him an a new light. You go through things that cause you to second guess whether or not you could really spend forever with him. Whatever the case, this is when the relationship touches down and becomes real. This is when you get the chance to crawl through the trenches together. Either you will make it to the other side still holding hands, or you will come out alone with a lesson learned.

If you know that you are currently a love bubble resident, please seek advice from a trusted confidant before making any life changing decisions with your man. People that love you (outside of your bubble) are well able to see if what you are walking into is best for you in the long run. Now if you disagree, then by all means do what your heart tells you, but please try your best not to damage any friendships in the process. Remember that they ultimately just want what is best for you…unless you have that one friend who is always a hater. If someone came to mind when you read that, maybe you need to have a friendship reevaluation conversation asap…

Anywhoo! There’s nothing wrong with hanging out on in the love bubble mansion, just make sure you’re getting great advice, and that you’re taking your time in making important decisions.

If you just crawled out of the trenches alone, hold on to your faith and sanity with everything in you. You took a chance and there is NOTHING wrong with that. You have learned something valuable that you can apply to make yourself the best you possible. Most importantly, I believe that when the time is right for you,

you can and you will love again.

What say you friends? Have you ever visited the beaches of love bubble island? Talk to me.

Word to the Wise:

Wisdom is something I pray for daily. Sometimes it is in the general form, like the words pictured above, and sometimes it is regarding what to do in a specific situation. I do believe that we are naturally wise about certain inherent dangers…ie. do not sleep outside in 30 degree weather. We can also pick up wisdom nuggets by watching the choices of others. Relationship wisdom is a whole different ballgame. A lot of the wisdom you receive from relationships comes by trial and error. You are always able to get advice from trusted people, but the results will vary based on the person that you are with.

Ex: You get into a crazy heated argument with your boyfriend and you lash out and punch him.

We can all agree that it is not wise to punch your boyfriend in the face, right? Wisdom, in this situation, is necessary before the reaction. You are angered by his words or actions: reasonable. Wisdom will help you understand why you should not punch this man in the face. Please. He will most likely be angered and will either restrain you, leave, or God forbid, hit you back. Wisdom will help you figure out what to do and what to say in tough situations. The goal is to have the wisdom necessary to get you out of those tough situations before getting into them.

In addition, domestic violence in NEVER okay. If you are in an abusive relationship or you are an abuser, please seek help immediately. 1-800-799-7233.

Another way you may relate is…

Ex: “I always pick the wrong men!”

Speak the words in the picture above. The goal here is to gain the wisdom to see what is underneath your choices. What is it about the man that you are attracted to in the first place? Where do things go wrong? Do you contribute to the demise of the relationship and if so, how?

Wisdom is the tool to help you hear words for what they are. To know what to do before regretting it. To smell the signs from the first date. To have peace in your decisions. All of it…and the best part is, you can never have too much 🙂

Which areas will you ask for more wisdom? I’d love to hear about it…

Expectations vs. Reality

I’m a daydreamer. I’ll admit it. I fantasize about anything from my Oscar speech, down to a pair of shoes I saw once on the internet. Sometimes I drum up expectations so high that when the thing actually happens and it falls slightly short of what I dreamed, I am disappointed. Let’s talk about how we do that in relationships. Shoot I don’t even need to tell you because I’m sure you’re already with me. We have this fantasy right? The man, the future, the house…whatever it is for you personally. The picture above is from one of my all time favorite movies 500 Days of Summer. If you haven’t seen it, please do yourself a favor asap. (Although if you’re going through a breakup currently then brace yourself.) In the scene depicted, the main character had an expectation of what was going to take place that night. From the minute he walked in, things didn’t necessarily go according to plan. I’ll save the spoilers 😉 For you, it could be something as simple as what your crush is going to say when he texts you. We create this idea of what would be ideal. So how do you deal with it when it doesn’t go according to your plan?

Pause and Breathe. There is nothing wrong with having expectations. Take this time between breaths to consider what is happening in real time around you and in your head.

It’s totally fine to feel disappointed, however please don’t allow that to affect what could be a favorable future. I always try to ask myself a series of questions:

How should I respond in this moment?

Were my expectations realistic? (Considering the history of your relationship, or his personal history)

Is it the appropriate time to discuss my expectations?

What is most important to remember is that there is only now, no going backward. What’s happening in front of you is your reality. Please during this time, watch your words and actions carefully. You’ll save yourself so much trouble by allowing your anger to subside before making any important decisions. You’ve learned an important lesson and it can impact your future positively if you allow it to.

From now on, let’s all try to have realistic expectations. Sounds simple enough right? I like to think of it as the best possible scenario, in the current circumstance. I will always be an optimist. I will always try my best to find the silver lining in the cloud, but it takes work. If you know that your expectations are usually negative, perhaps you are attracting negative outcomes into your life with your thoughts. Try something different starting today. Believe it. We will all be better off if we consider every disappointment a blessing in the form of a lesson learned.

When was the last time you realized that your expectations didn’t necessarily add up to your reality? Talk to me!

When you don’t want to let go, but he already has…

Have you ever been there? You see a post from an ex on social media and he’s just livin’ la freaking vida loca. Maybe a friend tells you she saw him out with a new woman. Perhaps you’re still together but you know he’s already emotionally checked out. You can feel it but you don’t want to admit it to yourself, let alone anyone else.

He’s moved on and you know it.

You’re not exactly sure when it happened but you can feel the miles of distance between you. Or, you can remember the exact moment where something changed. One of you said something that you couldn’t take back.

“Let go of those who are already gone.”

Powerful, concise, and incredibly painful. If we know the statement is true then why do we hold on for so long?

Let’s make this the year where we decide to release people from our emotional captivity. There are 7.125 BILLION people on the earth and we get so damn stuck on 1. I know that there was something special about them but I promise you that you can find a connection with someone else…when you really decide you want to. If you know that he has already moved on, emotionally or physically, it’s time to really let him go. This also applies to friendships and unfortunately, sometimes family members. If you can feel deep down in your core that someone has walked away from you then it’s time. It all starts with the decision to do it, then I promise your heart will follow. So starting today, whenever the thoughts or pain start to creep back in, say it in your head, out loud, in the mirror, to your mama, or to your dog…”I release you.” Say it, believe it, and watch your life change.

What I want to know from you, is how do you relate to this? Has there ever been a time where you’ve had to release someone after they’d already moved on? Talk to me.

For additional help with moving on, please refer to The 21 Day Ex-Boyfriend Cleanse Book available on Amazon & Kindle.

If you’re following along in the book, how do you relate to day 1?