I’m a daydreamer. I’ll admit it. I fantasize about anything from my Oscar speech, down to a pair of shoes I saw once on the internet. Sometimes I drum up expectations so high that when the thing actually happens and it falls slightly short of what I dreamed, I am disappointed. Let’s talk about how we do that in relationships. Shoot I don’t even need to tell you because I’m sure you’re already with me. We have this fantasy right? The man, the future, the house…whatever it is for you personally. The picture above is from one of my all time favorite movies 500 Days of Summer. If you haven’t seen it, please do yourself a favor asap. (Although if you’re going through a breakup currently then brace yourself.) In the scene depicted, the main character had an expectation of what was going to take place that night. From the minute he walked in, things didn’t necessarily go according to plan. I’ll save the spoilers 😉 For you, it could be something as simple as what your crush is going to say when he texts you. We create this idea of what would be ideal. So how do you deal with it when it doesn’t go according to your plan?
Pause and Breathe. There is nothing wrong with having expectations. Take this time between breaths to consider what is happening in real time around you and in your head.
It’s totally fine to feel disappointed, however please don’t allow that to affect what could be a favorable future. I always try to ask myself a series of questions:
How should I respond in this moment?
Were my expectations realistic? (Considering the history of your relationship, or his personal history)
Is it the appropriate time to discuss my expectations?
What is most important to remember is that there is only now, no going backward. What’s happening in front of you is your reality. Please during this time, watch your words and actions carefully. You’ll save yourself so much trouble by allowing your anger to subside before making any important decisions. You’ve learned an important lesson and it can impact your future positively if you allow it to.
From now on, let’s all try to have realistic expectations. Sounds simple enough right? I like to think of it as the best possible scenario, in the current circumstance. I will always be an optimist. I will always try my best to find the silver lining in the cloud, but it takes work. If you know that your expectations are usually negative, perhaps you are attracting negative outcomes into your life with your thoughts. Try something different starting today. Believe it. We will all be better off if we consider every disappointment a blessing in the form of a lesson learned.
When was the last time you realized that your expectations didn’t necessarily add up to your reality? Talk to me!